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Season two of “American Horror Stories” kicks off with a perturbing pageant that pulls the strings on some porcelain prisoners.
“What is a doll, really? Nothing more than mankind’s attempt to finish what the Almighty began…”
Creepy killer dolls are a perennial horror classic, but there’s a rarer and more disturbing sub-genre where people get turned into living dolls through complicated levels of brainwashing and mental manipulation. Grim horror movies like Dead Silence, House of Wax, The Boy, and The Poughkeepsie Tapes have explored this concept in contrasting ways, but it’s eluded the American Horror Story universe until now. These living doll horror stories can be unique forms of punishment, prison, or perpetual arrested development, but American Horror Stories’ “Dollhouse” instead uses its dolls as a symbol of flawlessness. “Dollhouse” explores a fulfilling sub-genre of horror that doesn’t disappoint when it comes to unnerving visuals, but there’s also an effective character study and meditation on power, codependency, and the impossible pursuit for perfection that makes sure that this American Horror Stories episode doesn’t just play house.
“Dollhouse” definitely has plenty of moments where the “dolls” are haunting human ciphers, but there are also loving work sequences that detail the construction of dolls that highlight the elegance of this art. “Dollhouse” presents the broken down anatomy of a human, in doll form, as a sterile way of celebrating the human body. It’s appreciated that the episode doesn’t just focus on the unsettling iconography that dolls represent, but it instead unpacks the history of dolls and what their purpose has been throughout different time periods and societies. Mankind has evolved in countless ways, but their fascination with dolls as some form of comfort appears to be innately wired into biology.
This all plays out quite naturally in “Dollhouse” and it’s helpful context for everything that follows. If dolls are a defense mechanism that people have leaned on as far back as 1300 B.C. then what chance do individuals like Van Wirt ( Denis O’Hare) have to resist this temptation? Van Wirt uses his position of power to play God to some extent, but his desire to create this perfect living doll is all in the pursuit to find his son, Otis ( Houston Jax Towe), the perfect maternal figure. In some ways, the initial premise is akin to Takashi Miike’s Audition…but with dolls. It then descends into a nightmarish pageant where it feels like Martha Stewart got to sub in for Jigsaw. Denis O’Hare is always reliable and he does a lot of the heavy lifting in “Dollhouse” as he taps into different facets of Van Wirt’s obsessive perfectionism as he holds this crude contest.
Kristine Froseth as Coby is a serviceable lead, but she’s not the standout that some of the other emerging guest stars from the first batch of American Horror Stories episodes were. The presence of five dolls in Van Wirt’s twisted competition also feels like overkill and perhaps a smaller number of girls would have helped any of them make more of an impression. A lot of “Dollhouse” leans into Coby’s relationship with Otis. It’s a dynamic that doesn’t fail and feels more natural than Coby’s heart-to-hearts with the rest of her inmates, but it’s still not the compelling emotional through-line that “Dollhouse” thinks that it is.
“Dollhouse” is undeniably a beautiful episode to look at and its art direction, set dressing, and cinematography are all some of the most rewarding aspects of the episode. This isn’t quite a case where there’s no substance behind the style, but the visual aesthetics outdo the character work. The look of the other “dolls” that Coby is stuck with is so creepy (as is Coby’s own clown doll getup), but it’s a shame that they’re not stuck in these face masks for longer. No performer wants to be behind a mask for an entire episode, but a lot of impact is lost as soon as the hostages remove them.
“Dollhouse” actually has a strong premise, but it goes through the motions and falls flat when it comes to many of the specifics of this story. The scenes between each new pageant competition tread water and none of the other “dolls” make their mark. That being said, what does work is quite effective and there’s still enough to grab onto here, both visually and thematically. Many viewers are likely to overlook some of these concessions because of “Dollhouse’s” surprising finish.
There are enough previous installments that go out on downer endings that Coby’s permanent porcelain servitude wouldn’t be a surprising conclusion. These dollhouse theatrics are what are important, but all that anyone is going to be talking about with this episode is its Deus Ex Robichaux twist. Some may bemoan the unexpected appearance of witches, but Manny Coto actually puts the work into “Dollhouse’s” script and the connections to AHS: Coven make sense.
I was quite critical of how the first season of American Horror Stories spent so much time focused on gratuitous tributes to Murder House rather than forging its own path. The Coven reveal feels justified and this is the right way to connect the American Horror Story dots that’s fun fan service, but not in a way that disrupts the narrative. Otis growing up to become Spalding (who loved dolls, lest we forget) is also a cute nod to the fact that Denis O’Hare played that Coven character. It implies a generational connection that’s a smart use of casting, especially when American Horror Story heavy-hitters are showing up here.
At one point in “Dollhouse,” Van Wirt tells Otis to “treat your things with respect.” The way in which this episode handles the broader American Horror Story mythology does exactly that. It’s likely still going to be a bumpy ride ahead this season in American Horror Stories, but this is an encouraging premiere that already proves that it’s learned a lot from last year.
Daniel Kurland is a freelance writer, comedian, and critic, whose work can be read on Splitsider, Bloody Disgusting, Den of Geek, ScreenRant, and across the Internet. Daniel knows that "Psycho II" is better than the original and that the last season of "The X-Files" doesn't deserve the bile that it conjures. If you want a drink thrown in your face, talk to him about "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part II," but he'll always happily talk about the "Puppet Master" franchise. The owls are not what they seem.
“American Horror Stories” Review – “Milkmaids” Goes Sour With Its Plague-Filled Parable
“American Horror Stories” Review – Episode 3 Subverts a Classic Urban Legend with Mixed Results
“American Horror Stories” Review – Episode 2 Locks Its Doors as “Aura” Lets a Ghost into the Machine
From the directors of The Asylum’s Dune knockoff and the writers/director of The Asylum’s Aladdin ripoff comes The Asylum’s Tubi Original Shark Side of the Moon. Just when you thought it was safe to colonize Earth’s crater-covered moon again, Glenn Campbell and Tammy Klein introduce Russian human-shark hybrids as cosmic predators. Or, more appropriately, lower-than-low-budget digital renderings of what The Asylum standards define as extraterrestrial Street Shark lookin’ freakshows. You’re going to read the review you’d expect for Shark Side of the Moon, a zero-star technical affair that’s barely fit for SYFY’s Sunday headliner slot — but with such an out-of-bounds concept, it’s hard to ignore and not marvel at the Frankensteining of genres on display.
The gist is simple. Russian scientists create humanoid-shark supersoldiers that can survive any situation, which escape their facility and are flown to the moon by scientist-slash-cosmonaut Sergey (Ego Mikitas). About forty years later, an American mission to the moon led by commander Nicole Tress (Maxi Witrak) crash lands on the far side and encounters a now advanced civilization of human-shark species. The Americans want to go home, Sergey and his half-shark, half-human “daughter” Akula (Tania Fox) — who looks wholly human — ask to hitchhike, and the sharks want to steal Nicole’s vessel for their own travels to Earth (followed by world domination). What else did you expect?
Storytelling favors sci-fi buzzword shenanigans that write its characters paper thin and plot advancement into corners that eventually are just ignored. There are ideas like “hybrid shark army,” “lava compound,” and “baby hybrid sharks” that exist for sharts and giggles — scenes feel like they’re edited haphazardly with entire exposition dumps erased. Writers Ryan Ebert and Anna Rasmussen know what Tubi viewers crave on a weekend night: hammerheads, great whites, and other shark classifications “swimming” underneath moonrock and devouring astronauts with nosebleeds. There’s so much asinine plot ignorance from Sergey’s fully-exposed spacesuit (a cloth with ear flaps and a plastic breathing tube in nostrils) to the film’s ridiculous finale where — well, no spoilers, but it’s mind-bogglingly inept.
Then again, that’s why you’re watching Shark Side of the Moon.
The Asylum spares every expense in recreating interstellar landscapes out of laughable green screen backgrounds and sound stages with their lights turned out, sans some indoor shuttle sets that at least appear techy and industrial. Otherwise, the visuals are as hopelessly rendered and beta-version as you’d expect, given how shark soldiers animate like 3D models processing on Windows 98. There’s a supreme queen leader of the shark civilization (lookin’ like a Witch from Left 4 Dead meets sardine skinnymalink) with metal chest armor, applied like PS1 graphics because animators can’t even be bothered to recreate janky figure motion beyond swinging arms and pumping legs. Special effects make recent lackluster fin flicks like The Requin or Shark Bait look like WETA warehouse models in comparison, funded by the amount you’d spend on the McDonald’s dollar menu. Whatever’s practical has humorous homestyle vibes like the “flare gun” that’s just cardboard wrapped around a regular prop pistol or the engineer wearing an iPod earbud as his communications device. The same can’t be said for prototype shark soldiers that look like they’ve had no coloring, shading, or anything past the clay-gray sculpture stage, and animate like a FaceTime transformation filter.
Performances aren’t saving any face because actors are thrown to the proverbial moon wolves. Maxi Witrak is the only explorer with any redeemable screen presence. Even more than the original crew engineer who suddenly gets pancreatitis minutes before liftoff so the “cool guy” engineer who’s cruising on his motorcycle (B-roll footage) can replace her and score his macho entrance. Actors present as incredibly silly, leaping to mimic the moon’s bouncy anti-gravity, and are given no chances to sell their hero moments, deaths, or anything in between. Battle sequences are essentially everyone testing their best Star Wars Kid impressions with props so post-production teams can insert space sharks with the blended smoothness of diamond-studded sandpaper. Characters struggle to engage with their pixelated foes, showing novice talents whenever animated co-stars appear — and that’s atop the already dreadful developmental elements.
Yet I ponder, once more, isn’t this all what the Shark Side of the Moon experience is about? It’s a pizza-and-beer movie, except trade the pizza for multiple shots and the beer for malt liquor forties taped to your hands. There’s no escaping the abysmal trademarks of The Asylum’s buffoonery on a budget method, which will still please its intended audience. Shark Side of the Moon gets the number rating it deserves based on the most generous film criticism standards. Still, there’s no denying it’ll delight countless maniacs who thrive on SYFY midnighters that smash natural disasters with animal names. Shark Side of the Moon exists to be laughed at and knows its place — at least it has the decency to deliver what’s promised, unlike con artists like Clownado or Ouijageiist.
Shark Side of the Moon is now streaming exclusively on Tubi.
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